Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
