Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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