can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
