I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
