Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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