two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
