this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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