I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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