Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
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