Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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