Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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