I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
