he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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