He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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