walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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