I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I had to cum in my sink.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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