so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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