Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
