hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
