i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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