apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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