I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
