He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
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