Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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