??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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