I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
