yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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