I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
