I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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