Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
