All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
