how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
