So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
