Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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