Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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