trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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