I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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