I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
