I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
