Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
