I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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