Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
