there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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