Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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