wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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