Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
