He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
