I have demons in me.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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