Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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