I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
