JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
