UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
