remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
