Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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