Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
