now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
