if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize