filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Enjoy the penises
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why is there bacon in the couch?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
