It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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