Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
