And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
