i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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