I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
As shirtless as possible
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize