I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
