Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Farmville is her only friend.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
